Memories

I stumbled across the pictures of my car wreck while doing this "All About Me" powerpoint assignment tonight. I found my x-rays a couple weeks ago too. (Found similar ones on this site, but mine didn't take near as long to heal as this guy's.)

Is it horrible that I remember so very little between then and now? Is it weird that at times I sometimes wonder when the hell I'm going to wake up and be back 5-10 years in the past? Going by in this dis-associative state really fucks with one's head.

It's been a while...

Last week was rough. Missed like every appointment I had scheduled and if I didn't miss it, I was late. We were eating out or otherwise not eating real dinner most of the week too. I started out well, logging my food in the Lose It! app and eating carrots and shit, but it went downhill from there. I've been hella tired too. Luckily, it was spring break, so I didn't get behind in any classes. Troy made this boxed Alfredo thing that was not too great last night.
Tonight, we made chili as a family. Lilah helped me cut up the celery and onions, hub cooked the ground turkey, I spiced it up and Lilah dumped in all the canned items. Delish!

Why the hell can't I do this?

This is my wall next to my computer. I see it every day and I know why I put these papers here. On these papers is my entire course schedule of the four classes I'm taking online thru Fort Hays State University. Intro to computer information systems, elements of statistics, ethical issues in the professions and business and intro to sociology, each their own column, left to right. These are calendars I personally set up inside google with every assignment, test, discussion board and reading I am supposed to do. I set them up to not only print out this master schedule of everything in the proper order, but also to email myself reminders when things are coming up due, typically in increments of 3 days before and 10 hours before. So the combination of this being in my direct line of sight on a daily basis and the slew of emails bombarding my inbox should be enough for me to actually be able to do the work on time. Yet I suck and cannot seem to keep my dates straight or my time zones and am beginning to think I should just scrap this semester and plead insanity.

I am going to bring all of this up at my crazy doctor appointment on Thursday and see if we are ready to move forward with my neuropsych evaluation. The new meds are good so far and I have noticed I'm not as moody and am freaking out over small things less, but I still can't seem to wrap my head around the simple self organization of doing ALL of my homework ON time and getting a damn degree already. I've changed majors to something I'm really getting interested in, sociology, yet somehow my kid has been sick every other week and indirectly overthrown my mental focus causing me to miss like everything that's been substantial grade wise in the FIRST class of my new major. My instructor is also my advisor and I have asked for some advising. I don't want to screw up my financial aid for next semester, but it's looking like I might just have to withdraw from a class or two.

Ideally, the neuropsych evaluation will say I am nuts and there's actually something wrong with the wiring that is making what used to be easy so daunting and I'll be able to hook up on some ADA compliance shit with the FHSU DSS office. If the advisor advice and/or discovering my own mental deficiencies don't set things in the right direction, I'm ready to be completely done with college.